You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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