Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
