idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
