What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
