you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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