First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
