What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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