im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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