So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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