this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
