Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
