Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
