Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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