Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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