you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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