Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
