Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
