sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
