I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
