Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
