I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
