I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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