she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
