my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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