If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
