my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
