Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
