Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
