Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
