I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
