I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
