plz talk dirty to me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
