me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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