he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I had to cum in my sink.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
