I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
