I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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