Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
