He told me they were just razor bumps!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
