Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
