Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
