i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
