I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up under a house in Key West
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