i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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