1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
