So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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