All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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