It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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