Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
