I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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