Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
